wish i was adopted

mom: did you ask for my calendar yet?

me: yeah, i'm picking it up tomorrow.

mom: why can't your friend drop it off?

me: he has to work.

mom: he can come to your party after work.

me: the party is for my coworkers and their family.

mom: so? he can meet new clients.

me: he's a business consultant.

mom: ooooh, is he single?

me: i think so. why? you interested?

mom: you should marry him.

me: YOU marry him.

mom: why won't you marry him?

me: he's an old friend.

mom: so?

me: i should hook up with all my friends then.

mom: no. how much does he make?

me: i don't know. why don't you ask him tomorrow?

mom: that will be weird. you ask him.

me: YOU want to know. YOU ask him.

mom: he must make a lot of money. you should marry him.

me: you haven't even met him and already you want me to marry him ONLY because he has money? a few days ago you were judging one of my guy friends by appearance and the first thing that came out of your mouth to me in chinese so that he wouldn't understand you is "what crazy/stupid thing did you do to meet this disapproving guy?" that disapproving guy happens to be super rich.

mom: then you should marry that guy.

me: i don't want to get married!!!

nearly drove me mad trying to keep my cool, especially since she knows i've been crazy about some other guy she knows absolutely nothing about (i'm sure she hasn't bothered asking me what he's like only coz i'm doing the chasing). my dad was just as annoying tonight, but we had a completely different discussion...

yep. i don't mind telling them AFTER i've already flown away. *crosses fingers*

b4 i go krazee

if i do find out that i'll need surgery on my foot, please forgive me if i do go insane. haha... i had a mental breakdown yesterday and i'm still a bit shaky. i'll get over it. i've already gone through so much in the last 28 years... just give me some time.

<3

i can't get him out of my head. i thought of him even more this weekend: while driving to san francisco, while watching hugo, while at the air force base, while driving back from sf.

i just met you 9 weeks ago, but something about your smile, your sense of humor, your soothing voice and the way you look at me... the way you talk to me...

there is definitely something charming about you that's got me hooked.

to protect myself i argued, "it's just a phase" and "i just want him coz i can't have him now" and "the more i get to know him the more disappointed i'll be with him". but my words have not been very effective and if others were to say those words i'd be upset with them.

i'll stop loving him the day he hurts me.

until then...

i can't wait to ask him out. <3

time for me to cram for tomorrow's lifeguard exam. haha... what i really want to do right now is time my 1.5 mile run. *sigh* i need to bump up my speed. my nose gets all runny half way and then dehydration hits. i'm so pathetic. managed to do just 4 military-approved pushups this morning. how depressing. soon as i goot home, i worked on alternating girly pushups and situps until my arms were sore, then worked on my crunches.

thank you, christine, for the positive support.

"you're going into something that's strenuous and different with a lot of uncertainty. u don't know what to expect. so when people don't agree with what you're doing it's easy to feel down."

grr

nice guy 1 or nice guy 2

nice guy #1 - looks like a dyke friend i've had a crush on for like ever.

nice guy #2 - looks like one of my gay guy friends - can't see myself hooking up with this friend not even for a makeout session.

more drawn towards nice guy #1. lol!! someone find me an adorkable dyke to canoodle with this winter.